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I do not know how long more.. or how many more blog entries I can post before I am due to deliver. But I will do as often as I can when I get the chance to, like now.

I went online shopping after resisting for the last 7 months. Everyone kept telling me to ONLY shop after the 7th month because for fear that mishaps happen. On the other hand, colleagues adviced me to shop during the 2nd trimester because I will not feel so exhausted. But anyway, i only started last weekend - online shopping. I will take some pictures and publish it here.. otherwise it can be found on my FB.

As I tore the 2 registered parcels, I was pretty excited to see the actual product, to touch it and feel it. and they’re so tiny. I held it up, admiring it with only 2 fingers from each hand. it’s so small.

Even with a huge protruding stomach and walking like a slow-moving vehicle, it’s still unbelievable and surreal that I am gonna have a lil babe. Nine months is a short time. I picked up one onesies and asked aloud, “am i gonna be a mum already?”.

My dad chuckled and ruffled my hair as he said, “Yes, you are…”

I sniffed. I will finally get to know how my parents love me. and I’m afraid. Afraid to think of the times I ever felt angry towards them or the times I’ve done / said nasty things to them because I wanted to hurt them when all they would ever do is to provide me with the best and love me unconditionally. and I felt so guilty.

I came across one piece that I specially bought for my dad. One that says ‘Grandpa’s Little Princess’. After he ruffled my hair, I realised that yes, I am still his little princess but he will have another little princess to dote on. Not that I’m jealous, but I felt like I’m forced to grow up. Not that I’m complaining, but it’s a scary-yet-exciting experience at the same time. I’m gonna be responsible for this kid’s life. Her well-bring, her education, her behaviours.. and I’m afraid that I couldnt live up to my own expectations.

Growing old is a must but growing up is optional, right?

Anyhow…. this lil babe will be OUR Little Princess.

Wow. time flies. Another month has gone by and I’m going into my 8 months already.. I’ll be full term at 37 weeks - that’s about 5 weeks away. So I can declare that Maiya’s coming in 8 weeks or less! I’m pretty thrilled thinking about her arrival.

So, am I prepared?

Financially, alhamdulillah… we have been blessed these few months and we’re almost there with the savings.

Intellectually, I dunno how to prepare for that since part of my brain has been labelled ‘pregnancy brain’.

Physically, I need to start doing my squads. It sounds pretty easy really - just 5x squads in the morning and 5x squads in the night. But with the baby’s weight pounding up and the breathlessness - that’s when these 10/day squads are challenging! BUT! I must do them nevertheless, so that it’s easier for a normal delivery. I’m counting on that actually. heh.

Mentally, I’ve already prepared myself since my 5th month when I’ve decided I’ll go all natural without any pain relief plans - no gas, no anesthetic and definitely no epidural. It will be a test of my endurance and pain tolerance but I am willing to go through all that and feel all the pain and the tearing for this baby. I’ll only then know how painful and life-risking my mum went through to give birth to me.

Emotionally, I know I will be overwhelmed with the entire labour process, be it the pain that I feel, the encouragement and support I hope to get from my labour partner, the husband or the final relief of pushing her into this world. So will I cry? In pain: I hope not, cuz I want to preserve my voice for future karaoke sessions. In seeing her for the first time: MOST LIKELY.

Spiritually, Yes. InsyaAllah. I have faith in Him to guide me for He knows what is the best for me. I believe.

I’ve gotten my maternity photos from Nor and I love them! A special beautiful memory of my pregnancy. And here’s to document the Joys of Pregnancy before I forget how they feel, look, taste like.

Joys of Pregnancy:
#1: The morning sickness that lasted for 3 weeks Wk 10 - Wk 12. Morning breakkie routine - 2 slices of kaya/butter toasted bread and 1 yakult (apple or original flavour). This is because when I vomit out at 9:30am every morning, the after taste is yakult and it’s sweet. =D

#2: You are Queen. You’re being treated like one. You dun carry heavy things even when you go grocery shopping, you get to choose where to have your lunch because you’re priority since you’re most like have cravings. People you love and work with hold your hand when you cross the road, take the escalator, take the stairs. You’re allowed to walk slowly. and commuters give up their seats for you.

#3: You see your body changes. at 8 weeks pregnant, my hips has grown. lol. and they have grown since.

#4: Double Chin.

#5: Go Shopping! You get to go shopping for your maternity clothes. Though I thot those are too expensive to invest in and you’ll only get to wear for 9 months! but considering that there’s now preggy and post preggy maternity clothes.. can still consider. And, for the little one. you get excited to see apparels sewn into really tiny pieces to fit into this tiny body. but in VERY HUGE prices!

#6: Stretch marks. Some people are lucky not to have them. Some people worsen them by scratching them. Why are they itchy? because your tummy stretches and it just itches. haha. But i think they’re part of what you have to go through during pregnancy. So apply those lotion and embrace it.

#7: Backaches. ’nuff said.

#8: Ultra scan pictures. You get to see your gynae every month for an update on the baby. Her heartbeat, her growth, her gender. You get to bring little keepsakes home from the gynae cuz they printed them out for you.

#9: She’s with you all the time. When you sleep, go to work, bathe, take a crap, watch movies, eat everything for a whole 9 months. You speak to her - though it’s a one way conversation but trust that she hears you.

#10: Her arrival. Anxiousness.

Yes, this was my last chance to travel. I can still travel by land to M’sia as and when I want till I pop. BUT travelling via aeroplane will have to stop as soon as I reach week 32.

That morning on 14 February, Mr. and I went for a maternity photoshoot and we’re quite excited on how the pictures will turn out! all thanks to Nor and her sister Zah. =D I will upload some ‘decent and viewable’ pictures on Facebook when the CD reaches me.

We left SG at 4pm and took an 8-hour drive up to Cameron Highlands. We reached there at midnight. Didnt book any accommodations, so after searching for about 2 hours for an available hotel room, we bunked in Hotel 3432. That’s my dad’s Toyota Wish btw. lol. All-in-all the trip was an adventurous one and Papa and Mama were being a good sporting parents. we didnt get scolded so much lah.. it was more of a laugh-and-warn type of scolding. lol.

Maiya, if you grew up and this blog is still alive.. Ayahanda and Bonda already brought you to Cameron Highlands. Your first trip!

I’m 30 weeks now and there’s 10 more weeks to go. Surreal still, yes. Anxious, definitely. I read up a lot on birth plans, what to bring to hospital, what to expect during labour, the position of labour.. all sorts of labour-related stuffs to prepare myself, mentally. I’m sure Mr. is also preparing himself, financially. haha.

After the babymoon, I can feel the backaches again - continously now. and I walk      s  l  o  w  l  y     now. When I bathe, I can no longer squat cuz it’s difficult to get up. Daily routines will have to change now. Maiya’s getting bigger and putting on more weight that she did in the last 6 months. Her movements in my stomach are very visible now too. I think she has lesser space to roam now than before.

In the last gynae check up, we saw her face more clearly. she has chubby cheeks and huge eyes. That’s what I can assume from the scans that we have. She weights 1.2kg at 29weeks and she was playing with her fingers in my womb. I’m curious about her appearance. I often wonder if she looks more like me or more like Mr. But whatever it is, I told her: You be unique, now Maiya.. I’m not asking you take after my looks or your Ayahanda’s. You just look like you, ok.

10 more weeks baby. We’ll see you in 10 weeks or less. Either way, we cant wait.

I’ve waited 2.5 years for this great news. That’s for how long we’ve been trying. and I gave up. I gave up trying and counting my monthly period and ovulation days. And then, we’re pregnant.

Now, I’ve survived the first trimester, the second trimester and now starting ok on my third. How fast time flies and there’s 11 more weeks before we finally meet her, InsyaAllah. 11 more weeks - how cool is that?

Are we ready?

For the past years, both our households (Mr.’s and mine) never had children. Only recently when my elder sister in law decided to stay at home and be a baby sitter that we have the opportunity of playing with 2 children - a 4-yr old girl and a 1.5-yr old boy.

And the news of us being pregnant makes it even more exciting cuz we’ll finally have someone ‘our own’. So now, it’s been months the children are at my SIL’s place. and once a while i hear them get scolded and disciplined. and other times funny stories.

Then, I realised it’s pretty easy to bring up a kid. You feed them and they’ll grow. But it’s definitely not easy to instill good values in them. How do you teach a kid not to lie? How can you be firm with a kid when they’re showing you such an adorable face? It’s not easy being a parent, a teacher… Not easy to cane your kid for the awful mistakes they made…

I remembered my earliest memories of how my parents taught me good values. I was 4 or 5 then and we had gold fishes for pets. I was feeding them and accidentally dropped the fish food and created a huge mess. Papa & Mama came into the room to see what happened.

Papa asked me: “Who made this mess?”
I replied: “Fish, Papa..”
and I thought I was smart to get away with not being scolded. Cause the fish will get scolding and what would they know, right..?
Papa asked me again, but this time around he raised his voice: “WHO MADE THIS MESS? AND DO NOT LIE TO ME.”
I paused for a moment to decide if i should really tell him honestly. So I finally said and cried: “Tuty, Papa….”
That’s when he said: “I scolded you not because you dropped the fish food, but because you lied. Now, go get a broom and clean up the mess.”

From then on, i dare not lie. It was truely a lesson learnt. try asking me a serious question, u’ll know I couldnt lie to your face. hahah i’mma bad liar!

All these while, when either of my parents discipline or scolded me, the other will not try to defend. I guess it’s a mutual understanding between Papa and Mama. Maybe also to show that no one will back you up when you do something wrong. hahah.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how i grew up and how i was brought up. the obvious and subtle ways that my parents taught me. How do I know how to be the person that I am now? The good values that they instill in me. How do they do that?

My fear now and the future, will Mr. and I be as good parents as our parents are to us?